No Needle No Scalpel Vasectomy

Your Guide to Saving $233,610 in 10 minutes

Kids are expensive! I have three wonderful children but I may need a second job to pay for all of them. $233,610 is the estimated average cost to keep a child alive until age 18. Of course this does NOT include V-bucks, Disney World, summer camp, baseball equipment, prom dresses, tons of car insurance, college tuition, and (gasp!) weddings. If you are satisfied with the size of your family, there is a permanent solution.  No, it does not involve celibacy or cutting off anything. It’s a no-needle, no-scalpel vasectomy. 

A vasectomy is a minor procedure performed in our office. “Minor” is doctor speak for: you are  awake, you go home the same day, there is very little risk, you won’t be whining. I will sever the tubes (the vas deferens) that carry the swimmers to the swimming pool. If the swimmers cannot reach the swimming pool, no more members of your family will appear.

It can certainly be a foreign concept. These are some of the most common (and humorous!) questions. But also check out the Vasectomy FAQ.

  1.  If you don’t use a needle or a scalpel then how do you do the procedure? 

The no-needle part involves a cool gizmo called a Madajet. Rather than bore you with a description, just check out my Facebook page (Dr. Joe Pazona) or Instagram @drpazona. No, it doesn’t really hurt. The no-scalpel part is a little gimmicky, but by not using a knife I can make a less traumatic skin poke (doctor speak for small incision).

  1. Female: Will this affect my man’s ability to perform?  (Inside voice: Things are going so well now ) Male: Dude, are you going to cut my balls off ??? (Men don’t have an inside voice)

Nothing in the bedroom will change. Well, except for the fact that you won’t be woken up by a screaming newborn nine months from now. Male hormone levels, erections, and sexual performance will be no better or worse after a vasectomy. When I’m done, you won’t be able to tell the difference. 

  1.  We know someone who had a vasectomy and they got pregnant immediately afterwards! What the heck happened?

A swing and a miss does occur. RARELY.  But this is a partnership procedure. I do my part but  you have to do yours as well. Your “homework” is to leave a semen sample with our lab after 8 weeks and 20 ejaculations. Until you are cleared by the lab, you must use contraception!  The price for not turning in the assignment isn’t an F. It’s an extra bedroom, another college tuition, and lots of “Dad… can I get $20?”

Are you a fan of Dr. Pimple Popper and think you want to be a surgeon? Watch my full-length vasectomy video that a patient filmed himself.

Still have more questions? Check out my FAQ section or better yet just make an appointment for a consultation. It may be the best investment your family has ever made. 

And seriously, I won’t cut off anyone’s balls.

Dr. P

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *